ATTENTION READERS: NONE OF THIS IS TRUE  •  DIAG SQUIRREL POPULATION NOW EXCEEDS UNDERGRADUATE POPULATION  •  BLUE BUS SPOTTED ARRIVING ON TIME, WITNESSES IN SHOCK  •  ATTENTION READERS: NONE OF THIS IS TRUE  • 
Friday, September 25, 2026 Ann Arbor, Michigan  •  Issue 7
The Daily Willager
Ann Arbor's most reliably unreliable source, est. whenever we got around to it
Campus Affairs

Local Freshman Still Hasn't Found Angell Hall, Considers It a Personality Trait Now

Three weeks into the semester, sophomore-by-credit-hours-only Wes Calloway has stopped trying to locate the building and started introducing himself as "a guy who doesn't do Angell Hall."

By a Staff Writer Who Also Doesn't Know Where It Is

Calloway, an undeclared first-year from Grand Rapids, told reporters he'd made peace with his situation after his fourth consecutive class swap to avoid the building entirely. "I switched into Intro to Astronomy because it's in the Natural Science building," he said. "I don't even like astronomy. I like knowing where I'm going."

Campus cartographers estimate Angell Hall contains at least eleven hallways that do not appear on any official map, two of which are rumored to loop back into East Quad. University officials have declined to comment, citing the fact that they, too, have gotten lost inside it.

Calloway says he plans to graduate in four years having never once located Room 100, and considers this "part of the Michigan experience, probably."

Athletics

Football Saturday Traffic Pattern Now Visible From Space, NASA Confirms

Astronauts report the gridlock along State Street forms a shape "vaguely resembling a maize block M, or possibly just despair."

Housing

North Campus Student Last Seen Alive Three Days Ago, Presumed Still Waiting for the Bus

Friends describe him as "probably fine" and "definitely closer to Central than any of us realize."

Finals Week

UGLi Reaches Full Capacity, Local Legend Begins Circulating About the "Ninth Floor"

No one has confirmed its existence. Several claim to have seen the stairs. None have returned to explain.

A notice to our readers

This paper is also published in smaller, more scrollable form on Instagram, where the corrections are faster and the headlines are shorter.

Follow @dailywillager

About the Willager

The Daily Willager is the University of Michigan's newest and least trustworthy source of campus news. We report on the things that definitely could happen, and occasionally the things that did.

Founded by a student with a laptop and questionable amounts of free time, the Willager exists to make fun of Ann Arbor with love: the Diag squirrels, the Blue Bus, the never-ending walk to North Campus, and everyone who says "the Big House" like it's a personality.

Editor

Changes here save a new version of the whole page — anyone with the link sees your update.

This becomes the new lead story on the front page. Older stories shift down and land in the Archive automatically.

This is the scrolling bar at the very top of the page — pick your own maize and blue, or any colors.

Maize (ticker text)
Blue (ticker background)